The human + animal bond
The day after Christmas of 2017 I had to put my kitty, Blue to sleep. He was in kidney failure and had gone downhill fast the week prior. A quick trip to my vet confirmed he was nearing the end and it was time. So I scheduled a vet to come to my place the day after Christmas the following week so he could pass in the comfort of his own home. I couldn’t get through that call without bawling. I had (and still have) never been as close to an animal as I was to Blue and often referred to him as my kitty soulmate. He very truly was. For 16 years. It was one of the hardest losses of my life and 6.5 years later I still cry if I talk or let myself think about him too long. (I’m fighting back tears just writing this; it really is a primal anguish.) He was my friend, my sweetheart, my soulmate and my baby. In fact, I found out I was pregnant less than 2 months after he died and I wholeheartedly believe the universe (or he himself) planned it that way—that my baby Blue and my baby girl could not have coexisted on this earth, that his departure created the room needed in my shattered heart for the new big love in my life.
As you may know, our Feather Plucking card series is about all of life’s hardest things, the searing, gutting things that strip us down to the bone and make us wonder how we’ll ever keep going. The loss of our pets is one of those things.
P.S. Even though she never actually knew him, I have spoken about Blue so much to and in front of my daughter now that she feels as if she did. It’s an incredible thing and like kintsugi, my shattered heart has been put back together with gold—stronger and more beautiful in the broken places.
